What my soul pounders when the rest of me is asleep

Dreams are an interesting thing. Don't know if you remember your dreams or if you dream in color, but I do. Sometimes my dreams are just random and others leave an impression. I had a dream a couple nights ago that stayed on my mind for awhile. Basically in this dream a group of us were hanging out and going about town doing different errands and stuff. One of the guys in our group was a guy who was doing some amazing things and saying profound things to people. Peopel weren't suer how to respond to him, but those of our group were growing more and more confident that he was who he was. In my dream I knew he was Jesus and it gave me a very warm feeling inside. Yet there was something puzzling too in the dream. It ended with us sitting at a table talking and playing cards. I having trouble seeing the cards and knew that Jesus was more then capable to heal my eyes and was excited that he might do this at any time. Yet I remeber growing really frustrated because he wasn't doing this and I remember feeling frustrated and kind of hurt by it. Thats how the dream ended. Kind of a strange dream. I wonder if this is a reflection of how I am feeling overall about my eyes and my faith. I am frustrated that God hasn't healed them yet and am growing more frstrated about not being able to see as well. I just try not to think about it though. Guess when I am asleep, my mind or my soul still pounders this.

Starting things off

I've grown up out in the country near Mt Hood and going to a small community church. Asked Jesus to come into my life when I was 4, and later rededicated my life when I was 15 at summer camp (Camp Marrow). God amazed me that week in showing me that he could use a tragedy and turn it into something good (a camper drowned that week at camp) so I decided taht He would be able to take care of me as well and rededicated. It was the fall after this summer that I found out that I had a genetic disease called Stargardts' that is causing me to go blind. With in a year I was pronounced legally blind by the age of 16. I have been loosing my eyesight since then. I have no central vission, only perifreal vission and this is going away as well. I've been told that eventurally I will go blind from the disease. God has walked closely thorugh some amazingly tough times with me and has not abandoned me. It seems that as I continueally lose more sight, it doesn't get any easier. I am glad God is bigger then any of my fears or doubts that I throw his way. He is incredibly patient with me. It is hard to talk to friends about it because I really don't want to burdon them. So I hope to capture my thoughts and stuggles here. Friends and strangers are both welcome to read my blog. Maybe this will be an encouragement to some and also a way for others to know hoe to pray for me. ~ Waiting For Him To Come, Ryan